I believe in guardian angels. I'm back and my heart is full...

I've been thinking a lot lately about 2014... It was to date the most difficult year of my life. It's hard to explain the emotions that a mother goes through as she watches her child suffer and no matter how hard I try, I cannot take away the suffering. I had many days where I cried out loud and screamed at the top of my lungs in helplessness... Many days on my knees, pleading with my Heavenly Father to take it away or give me the answers so that I can make it better. I was willing to do ANYTHING.

I can look back now and see the Lords hand in our journey. He was there with me when I thought I was all alone. He offered so many tender mercies that often went unnoticed... Until later.

I see much more clearly now and I've been aching to write about it. 

First, I want to tell you about my Grandma's passing. 

Life is full of adventures; some are fun and some are not. I think as long as we learn and grow from our experiences, we can find joy in this journey we call life. 

I believe in guardian angels. On March 3, 2014 I gained mine.. or maybe Bodi and I both did. My beloved Grandma Isabelle Hawley, my Scottish granny, passed away. She has been close to me and my family all growing up. She made me laugh with her silly songs for every occasion and she made my belly happy with her amazing treats! One last thing about granny... She knew my favorite pie was cherry and would make me one when I would have sleepovers. Even better was my love for the crust so she would also make a crust only pie for me too! I sure love her! 

When she passed I was sad and knew I'd miss her very much. What I didn't know is that she would be more help to me on the other side than she could have been still on earth. I had been going through the hardest year of my life with Bodi's seizures and after Granny died, I felt her almost immediately carrying me. I had renewed strength to keep pushing through. To try to be the rock I needed to be for Bodi. (finished 7/2024) It wasn't always easy but somehow I never felt like I was doing it alone. 

There was a time when I was desperate for someone to understand what I was going through. I didn't expect anyone would, but it was hard feeling like no one truly knew what it was like to not have a single other thought besides your child's wellbeing. It consumed my life. Then one day there was a knock at my door. It was a friend whom I hadn't seen for years. Her name was Debbie Allred and she was a college friend of Aaron and I's. Her baby boy had experienced seizures to the extent he was hospitalized and they had to take drastic measures to help him. (They did the ketogenic diet which made his seizures stop.) When I opened the door and saw her, ( I think she handed me a loaf of bread or something.) I wept. She understood. She knew what I was feeling as a mom. She knew the brain is a complex thing and just like we had no idea how the seizures came, there wasn't a fix all that worked for everyone to get them to stop. She continued to be there for me when I needed support. I know my granny sent her to my house that day. She was such an answer to my prayers. Sometimes our prayers are answered through other people. I'm so grateful for my guardian angel during that rough time in my life. Both on earth and in heaven.